TOM SCHARPLING Interview: Part 1

TOM SCHARPLING, comedic writer and radio host, is a guy that talks about whatever he wants for three hours a week and is consistently interesting and funny enough that people from all around the world sit in front of their radios, computers, and mp3 players, afraid to miss one second of the “mirth, music, and mayhem” offered up in each episode of The Best Show on WFMU. Tom hosts this radio call-in show each week with the help of the second half of the comedic duo, Jon Wurster, and the show’s deranged associate producer, Mike. The shows guests read like a who’s who of your favourite comedians, including Best Show regulars Patton Oswalt and Paul F. Tompkins. As you can imagine, we were pretty excited when we got the chance to flip the tables around a little and have Tom call us at home so we could talk to him about our topics. Too bad Meg is such a square and totally embarrassed Crab Town by admitting that she had never heard of I’m Alan Partridge.

On with the interview!

You often refer to certain callers as “rookie of the year” or talk about who the general top callers are at different times, but do you have a favourite caller of all time?

That’s so hard because there are a bunch of favourite callers and they all bring something different to the table. You know, some people have good stories, some people are just conversationally funny, other people will build on what I’m saying and add to what I’m saying, other people bring new things to the table, and I guess other people are completely crazy and it’s just like: “Whoa, now we’re in a weird place I never could have prefigured” because they’re kind of kooks.

I always like the progression when people go from being bad callers to good callers. There’ve always been waves of these people, over the years, and they come and go. For example, in the show’s current form, Julie from Cincinatti. Somebody like that. She’s kind of wacky, and she started out cursing, and I couldn’t put her on the air. It was just like, she was aggressive and cursing, and then slowly, she fit into the thing and now I think she’s really interesting and I think she’s really funny. People like that. There’s many. I don’t want to say she’s my favourite; she’s one of my favourites, but there are so many.

With all of your references to “shore trash” and their Ed Hardy t-shirts, do you ever feel that MTV owes you royalties for Jersey Shore?

No. Look, that would mean that I created it, and if I created that thing, I am guilty, and I should go punish myself if I was responsible for creating or glorifying those mutants. They’re always there, and they’re just such a small percentage of what goes on down there. And the thing I object to, honestly, is anybody acts dumb when a camera is on them and it tells them to act dumb. They knew the roles they’re supposed to be playing for the camera. If anybody should be ashamed, it should be executives at MTV and Viacom who have the privilege of having the air waves to put things out there, and they just put this absolute garbage on. They could be doing stuff on that channel that’s not junk, but they’re just low-rent executives at a low-rent company. They’re the people who should be ashamed of it. The dummies on the show, they’re just getting their taste of weird fame. They’re just doing what they do.

Look, five years from now, they’ll be mortified at this show because they’re going to try to go get married and start lives and this thing will hang over their heads forever. It’s just never going to go away and they’re just going to have to live it down forever and they’re not going to be making money off it anymore, but they’ll be paying the price.

Some callers have suggested that you are easier on lady callers than on men. Is there any truth to that suggestion?

Yeah, I would say so. I just think there are so many more guys calling in than women and women get such a bum rap from so many radio people. Radio is the worst to women in so many ways. They treat them like they’re sex-objects, or just lesser than men, and I think it just creates this unhealthy atmosphere that I would hate to have a female caller feel that. I almost think that I have to make it a little more comfortable just because every other creep on the radio just talks to them like they’re dumb. I just want it to be crystal clear that that’s not my approach to things. If women are going to call, I want them to feel that they can call, because I’m not going to ask them, “What do you look like?” or ask them sex questions or anything like that, because this is not the kind of show I’m doing. But then again, once we get into the conversation, I think I treat women just like I treat men. There’s countless cases of me screaming at a female caller and then hanging up on her, but initially, I do try to make it a little more accommodating to women, just by a degree. Especially since it’s so many dudes calling—and I am eternally grateful that they’re calling—but I just don’t want it to seem like a boys club either. That’s very observant of you.

Paul F. Tompkins mentioned elsewhere that the two of you are writing something to be pitched to networks. Is there anything you can tell me about that?

You know, honestly, we’re in the early stages of talking about something, and I think we have a good idea for something that we worked on today. And we were rolling on the... well, he was rolling on his floor in California; I was rolling on my floor in New Jersey. We were not rolling on the same floor, but we were both rolling on our respective floors, laughing, and basically we have a really good idea. I wouldn’t want to put anything out there yet, because it’s just so early in the process and, you know, he’s a busy guy and I’m a busy guy and if other work calls either of us away, you kinda’ gotta’ take jobs . But we’re both working fair and square on this to try to get it to the point where we can put it out there, and I think people will respond to it, because we want to do something that is in the spirit or the lineage of our favourite things, whether it be Alan Partridge or... you know that show? I’m Alan Partridge. It’s a British show.

No, I don’t.

Do you know who Steve Coogan is?

Yes, I do.

It’s his breakout character in England. It’s this dummy, Alan Partridge, who is a failed sportscaster for British TV and the show I’m Alan Partridge, to me, is like the funniest show ever. I think it absolutely crushes The Office [the British one] and people will talk about how The Office created that certain style of uncomfortable comedy. I think I’m Alan Partridge has it in spades, but also has just the funniest dialogue ever. And I admire Steve Coogan and everybody that worked on that show. We’re trying to make it as good as the things that make us happy.

Exciting!

Yeah, I think so. It is exciting. I’m very excited. Today was a lot of fun.

On the show, you allude to people being potty-mouths and such, which makes sense, as you have to keep your show pretty PG, but I was wondering if you actually dislike that style of comedy, outside of the show.

No, no. I like cursing. I think cursing can be hilarious if you use it the right way. I think some people use it as a crutch, other people maximize it and make it hilarious. Look, I’m so glad that on the radio I have those restrictions for when I’m doing a bit with Jon Wurster. It makes it so much funnier if we can’t say a certain word and we have to come up with a funny way to say a thing. Limitations are a gift sometimes because it gives you a box to which you can play to all your strengths within it, if that makes sense. If the walls of the box are there, you can take it right to the edge of the walls and have fun with it. But if you can say everything you want with no restriction or limitations, shock value gets diminished and everything is just equivalent. If you can say whatever you want, none of this matters, in a way.

You have Friends of Tom around the world and your podcast is wildly popular. When Ricky Gervais’ podcast became popular, he started charging, but you continue to do this for free. Is there some sort of communist philosophy behind this, or do you have some other reason?

You know, it’s a part of this station, WFMU. People, once a year, step up and support the station, which keeps the station operating and running. I mean, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times I thought: “Man, I could pull this thing off WFMU and make people subscribe to it, and I would sink a certain amount of money into buying studio equipment and put it in my house, and I could replicate this thing and make money off it.” But I think part of what makes this work the way it works is that I’m doing it because I want to do it. The second I start charging money, for my thing specifically, I have to do it. And then, all of a sudden, it’s like I gotta’ do the show. And it’s like, well, people are paying every week, they’re gonna’ want this from the show and that from the show. And then, all of a sudden, if I try to do a show where it’s like: “You know, I’m going to do something completely different,” and I’ve done shows like that, where it’s like: “I’m not in a good mood, so I’m going to act like a baby on the show this week.” If I did that with a pay formula, people would write in and say: “Hey, you’re there. You’re acting like a baby, I’m paying for this thing, and I don’t like it.” Now, all of a sudden, they have legitimate say in things, and then the show, all of a sudden, can’t grow because they say: “When I’m paying for the show, I want this, this, this, and this.” What if I decide: “Hey, I don’t want to do this anymore,” or “Hey, I want to try something else”? That’s the beauty of what doing it on WFMU is. It’s completely liberating. The show, ultimately, because I am not beholden to anybody, those three hours are what I want them to be, and I think that outweighs everything.

Also, I was on WFMU when I was working in a music store selling sheet music, so it was fine for me then. I managed to do the show then and be able to afford to do it when I didn’t have two nickels to rub together, or two loonies to rub together, for your audience. Now, I have worked for eight years on a TV show, I’m able to make a grown-up paycheque, and yeah, I can afford to do the show without having to turn that into my source of income, and its a nice thing. And it’s always nice to have a say. When you work on things in TV, or movies, or any of that stuff, it’s so collaborative. And because people are paying you, it’s going to be collaborative. Everybody has a say in things. But since nobody’s paying for this thing, or paying me to do this thing, the buck stops with me and with John Wurster, and we are beholden to nobody. And you know, it’s nice to have a thing like that when you work things where you are going to have to team up and collaborate with twenty different executives on things. Nobody else says how this thing goes.

You seem to dislike when callers are doing some really obvious bit, or some sort of fake character on the air, but what is it about Larry the Perv that you have allowed him so much air time?

I have no idea. You know what I think makes it different, is that he calls himself Larry the Perv and he is kind of not really that perverted at all. He’s weirdly respectful.

Yeah! Like with his on-air date with Laurie! It was actually a very chaste date.

Yeah, that’s what I mean. If he was calling every week saying, “I’m Larry the Perv “and saying dirty stuff , then he would never get back on the air, but its just like, something about it. And the other thing about it is that every one of these people who calls and tries a character, they all contact me off the air and say: “Hey, I’m Whoever. Sorry, you didn’t like it. You hung up on me. I’m just a fan of the show, and I’m just goofing around, whatever.” This guy has been calling for how long, and he’s never broken character ever, on air, or off air. In his mind, he is Larry the Perv, so it’s really an interesting thing to me. So many of the people can’t resist just talking to me off air and being like, “I’m just goofing around.” But this guy, for whatever reason, is not tempted to come up to the studio and do a thing so that I can see him face to face, so it’s very funny. I’m sure he is just a regular caller, and people have speculated that he has called in as other people. Like, they can hear him call in in another voice, but I haven’t put two and two together on that yet. I’m sure he’s been at a listener meet-up and he thinks it’s hilarious, some guy going up to me and introducing himself.

It’s kind of like a serial killer joining the search party of someone he murdered.

You know what? That is a little creepy. It’s like showing up at the funeral.

It’s not right.

Now you’ve freaked me out with it. Before I thought it was kind of cool, now I’m disturbed by it...

Have you ever had the experience where you admired a certain comedian, but became disappointed by a turn they took later on in their career?

Well, you know, it’s funny because working now on stuff, you know, I’ve worked on Monk for years, I just see what it’s like when you go from job to job. It’s like it’s very easy to end up with bad stuff. You know, just like really easy. I’ve been offered a couple jobs now that were good jobs and I turned them down because it was not the right move for me. But I’m sure that when these people are getting money thrown at them the way they are, it’s like, how can you not take millions upon millions of dollars? Especially when everybody’s like: “Oh the script’s not that good, but we’ll get it right. You know, we’ll improv, and we’ll get it there, and it’ll be better.” You know? And then it doesn’t get there, or the script is good and the director isn’t up to the job. Sometimes it just doesn’t come together and it’s like, they’re hard decisions. I can see how people end up going down the wrong road. But then people also believe their own press and think that they can do no wrong. And the other thing is, sometimes the bad things make a lot of money, so it’s like: “Well, I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong. Yeah, that thing might not be the world’s greatest movie, but a lot of people like it so...” Growing up, I watched SNL so much, and there were all those Chevy Chase movies that weren’t good, but then it’s like the guy ... Do you get Community there?

Yes, we do.

It’s very exciting because he [Chevy Chase] was the guy who, his whole thing was that he was cooler than everybody. His whole comedic persona was built on being cooler than everybody. But then now he’s doing this thing in his old age where he’s playing an idiot. And it’s like: You know what? I give this guy so much credit for kind of letting his guard down for the first time. And now in the autumn of his years, or whatever you want to call it, he has shown: “Guess what? I understand that I’m not the cool guy anymore and I’m going to play to that,” and he’s funny on it. Or Bill Murray made some unfortunate movie choices, but then there was that point when Wes Anderson started writing for him, and then all of a sudden, you saw the depth of Bill Murray and the sadness behind Bill Murray. He had done enough of the one type of movie, so it’s like, “I’m going to do this type now.” That’s the part I like. I like when the people maybe don’t need any more of those paycheques anymore. They’re never gonna’ spend their money in their lifetime, so: “Why do I not do something that is good now. I already grabbed enough easy paycheques. Let me do something that is good.” That’s kind of how I’m trying to approach this next part of my life, a little bit, is to just to be a bit like, “I’m not just going to take the next job.” I want to make sure I do the right thing and that’s why I’m talking to Paul about doing something, or working on a screenplay, and just trying to take my time with things. At the end, all I ever wanted when I started writing stuff was I just wanted to be able to pay the bills. Anything beyond that is kind of gravy. So, as long as I have a roof over my head and am paying the bills, that’s all I ever wanted and I just have to hold myself to that. It is very easy to get drawn into: “Holy moly, that’s a lot of money that’s there, but this thing sounds like it might be terrible. But that’s a lot of money!” And it’s like, I have been good to these things, they have been good to me in return, so I have to be good to them again so they can keep being good to me.

That is very admirable.

Oh well, you only get so many tries doing these things. I talk to Patton Oswalt a bunch. We talk all the time, and it’s just that thing where he’s trying to make stuff that’s like: “This will be great, and this will last, and this speaks for me” and he is really trying to do stuff like that because anybody who is working is getting by, they can eat and clothe their families, and stuff like that. So the other stuff, you’ve got a responsibility to the other part of it. So it’s nice to have friends who feel the same way I do, because we can all kind of keep each other honest and on target.

Thus ends the first part of our interview, but if you are a true FOT, you are now on your way over to Part 2.